So right off the bat, do any of the band honestly use half the words that are
represented in the lyrics in an everyday life situation? EX.." trachoma
conjunctivitis" or even "Mongoloid myrmidons"? Where do these "medical
dictionary" words come from and how do they come into play in the lyrics?
Ross:
Well, it doesn’t come up much while at home, but when Raul is at his job,
vending hot dogs on corners, he is often heard saying, "The benzoate tinctures
in this re-constituted-gralloch can cause great abdominal distention and rectal
pepsis." Sometimes Sean will call out, while watching television, "This
cathode-ray tube is impinging on my optical nerves and creating fractals within
my encephalon." But no, I wouldn’t say we use those words normally.
Are any of you licensed morticians, doctors, psychiatrists? If so, why?
Ross:
I am a podiatrist, but I don’t like to brag about it too much, because then
everyone at our shows just ends up asking me for advice on their bunions and
corns.
If IMPALED was to find Bin Laden, what exactly would you do to him?
Please be specific!!!!!!
Ross:
We would most definitely ass-rape him. That has nothing to do with him being an
international terrorist though, we just ass-rape because that’s what we do.
After that, I think we’d turn him over to the international war crimes tribunal
so they could try him for crimes against humanity along with George W. Bush.
Have you ever smoked embalming fluid or known anyone that has?
Ross:
Yes. It gets you very, very high, and then gives you a really big headache. It’s
much better when drunk on the rocks with a good 7-Up chaser.
Do you frequent graveyards, mausoleums, crematoriums? If so what is an
average evening like for you at said places?
Ross:
We’ve been known to lurk around Piedmont cemetery out here in Oakland. A typical
night includes us running the fuck away from the security trucks. Damn them and
their 4x4 Ford-tough power! We’ve also been known to go to this abandoned
slaughterhouse, but so does every punk rocker from around here. Could be
something to do with the bands playing and them serving alcohol to minors.
Sex with rotting corpses...for it or against it? I mean honestly you'd think
someone was still poking Dr. Ruth with all her decrepit sex talk or even the
Sunday Night Sex Talk lady!!!!!
Ross:
Sex with a corpse is perfectly legit, so long as the corpse is consenting, and
has been coaxed with a nice glass of Chianti beforehand.
Ever been institutionalized?
Ross:
Yes. I have been made into an institution. Without me, really, what’s the point
of death metal?
I hear one of the members is going on tour with Relapse records, EXHUMED very
soon. Is this true and who is participating on this endeavor?
Ross:
Our ex-member, Leon del Muerte, is currently playing bass for Exhumed.
What is the future plans of the band? New albums? Touring?
Ross:
Only Dr. Emmett Brown knows the future plans of Impaled, what with his
time-traveling Delorean. As for short-term plans, we’re are going to record
soon, and we plan on touring, at least touring the local museums, which are rich
in culture in history. Whether we’ll be able to hit the road or not depends on
you all donating us money. Be generous, and send your donations today. Just the
cost of a cup of coffee a day can put Impaled on tour.
In your experience who is more insane the doctors or the patients?
Ross:
No one is more insane than Impaled fans. To expose oneself to such ridicule as
is foisted upon listeners of the world’s most hated band truly takes a sick,
demented mind.
Where would you like to see yourselves as a band in ten years?
Ross:
Broken up and then reformed for our fourth reunion tour at the County
Fairgrounds.
Assuming that you have seen many dead corpses in your life, have you ever
seen the lungs of a smoker? If you smoke did that effect you?
Ross:
I do smoke, and I’ve seen the lungs of a smoker… it made me want to do more… it
made me want to dry those lungs, crush them, and then roll them in a Zig Zag and
have at it.
What is your favorite horror/gore movie and why?
Ross:
My favorite horror film is definitely Evil Dead 2, because looking at a young,
dashing Bruce Campbell is kind of like looking in a mirror at myself.
Where do you see the future of gore metal going?
Ross:
I see my remaining copy of that CD going straight to the cut-out bin at Tower.
Does there seem to be a lot of bands in the genre? IF so who do you think we
should keep an eye out on?
Ross:
Keep an eye on the grind bands of Spain, such as Machetazo and Haemorrhage.
They’ve got a great TRAIN of thought over there, but sometimes they do get a bit
off-TRACK. Man, that joke really BOMBED.
To most "Christian" styled people, the music and lyrics of IMPALED could be
questionable and could potentially warp the minds of the youth of today. How
does that make you feel?
Ross:
That makes me feel terrific.
What kind of musical schooling do you have in music, if any?
Ross:
I had a guy show me bass, and he said, “If you go this direction with your
hands, the notes get higher, and in this direction, they get lower.” This was
just last week.
What do you normally do on Halloween?
Ross:
Once a year on Halloween I dress normal, don’t put razorblades in apples, and
don’t go around beating up kids and taking their loot. I like to buck the trends
of my life at least one day a year.
Is IMPALED a member of
Heavycore.Org? If not would you be interested in finding out what and how to
join? It is a awesome poser free promotional tool for heavy metal.
Ross:
What, and make Impaled more popular than it is? We already dominate the global
market in CD sales and are chased down the street by strange women every day of
our lives. If we get any more popular, I’ll have to kill myself. Just like Dr.
Phil (should). Man, that fat, balding quack gives us skinny, handsome quacks a
bad name.
What would you have for closing words for this interview and what would you
like on your tombstone?
Ross:
For the closing words on this interview, I’ll used “shut,” “batten down,”
“secure,” “dam,” and “seal.” For my tombstone, I’d like vegan cheese and slices
of soy-lami.
Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to answer my "20
Questions To IMPALED." Hope to see you in the future on tour!! You guys are
truly incredible and thank you for keeping gore metal alive!!!!